so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
vagina is talking i cant
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Found your dick twin last night
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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