Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
