My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
