Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
