I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
