he told me I talked like a deaf person
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
