And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
