I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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