it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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