He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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