this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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