I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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