i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
