Sry I called you an 8
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
