Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize