We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
