i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
