At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
