This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
