can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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