Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
