woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
