come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize