I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
