i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
