I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
