she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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