I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
