Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize