Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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