I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
