Plan B is the new Plan A
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
