yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
