Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
