i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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