He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
