Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
