he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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