Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
