I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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