I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
