I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
