Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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