addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
