So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
