saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
