we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
