508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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