she looked like the bat from fern gully.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize