and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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