Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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