I think I just saw someone hide a body.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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