There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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