Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
