I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
