and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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