yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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