No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
