I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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