just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
