I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
