It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
