Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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