kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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