first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
