At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
