new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
