The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
