i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
