K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize