WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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