is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
