This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
That accounts for only three of the penises
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I enjoy the company of your penis
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