Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
