Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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