Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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