I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
