Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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