Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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