She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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