I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
