I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
