So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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