A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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