Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
