Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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