we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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