it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
