oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
