when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
