If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
