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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
