her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
