u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
