The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This toilet bowl is my home.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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