so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
