I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
