my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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